Bomqueegzen Ortbapduss is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, loving capybara.

Bomqueegzen Ortbapduss created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bomqueegzen Ortbapduss, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bomqueegzen Ortbapduss, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bomqueegzen Ortbapduss' most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Bomqueegzen Ortbapduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near birds while wearing white corsets and balancing seven lead spheres on your head.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Always help frogs in need.