Pighaptab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, smart swan.

Pighaptab created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pighaptab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pighaptab, he will think nothing of it.

Pighaptab's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Pighaptab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare parsnips while wearing tights.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pighaptab.

3. Never feed wheat to badgers while wearing yellow hats.

4. Never paint your face green.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.