Jigripnutyik is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, cheerful goat.

Jigripnutyik created dark matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jigripnutyik, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jigripnutyik, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Jigripnutyik's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Jigripnutyik's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never paint your arms turquoise.

3. Run away if four swans approach from the south.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

5. Never hop in the presence of horses.