Tettibettiplarnkomfarnurlstip Fotqueegman is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, fast chinchilla.

Tettibettiplarnkomfarnurlstip Fotqueegman created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettibettiplarnkomfarnurlstip Fotqueegman, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tettibettiplarnkomfarnurlstip Fotqueegman, she will destroy your home planet.

Tettibettiplarnkomfarnurlstip Fotqueegman's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tettibettiplarnkomfarnurlstip Fotqueegman's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never paint your chest mauve.

3. Do not take Tettibettiplarnkomfarnurlstip Fotqueegman's name in vain.

4. Always help mice.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.