Ham is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, loving cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Ham created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ham, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ham, he will send you a sign.

Ham's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Ham's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Ham.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never mention dolphins.

5. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.