Tikfaswip is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, fussy hippopotamus.

Tikfaswip created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikfaswip, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tikfaswip, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Tikfaswip's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Tikfaswip's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Never think about dark matter near aardvarks while wearing gray jumpers and balancing four silicon spheres on your back.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tikfaswip.