Pigtagvon is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unsympathetic newt.

Pigtagvon created humanity two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigtagvon, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Pigtagvon, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Pigtagvon's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Pigtagvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume nuts at dawn.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Erect four lead sculptures of Pigtagvon on top of important buildings.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Never curse while facing west.