Bifdontimtif is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unjust frog.

Bifdontimtif created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Bifdontimtif, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bifdontimtif, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bifdontimtif's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Bifdontimtif's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Always wash your feet before prayer.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near goats while wearing green shoes and balancing six tin spheres on your arms.

4. Never stain your hands with white.

5. Never gather eight squirrels in one place.