Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciless dugong.

Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

2. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near frogs while wearing fawn coats and balancing three copper spheres on your legs.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never talk about gravity.