Quatbissomin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, impressive seal.

Quatbissomin created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatbissomin, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quatbissomin, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quatbissomin's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Quatbissomin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven bats in a large pit.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

3. Never allow snails to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Feed all hungry great tits.

5. Always wash your legs before prayer.