Batzanfarnmegxuc is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, happy grasshopper.

Batzanfarnmegxuc created the cosmos six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batzanfarnmegxuc, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Batzanfarnmegxuc, he will refuse to believe in you.

Batzanfarnmegxuc's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Batzanfarnmegxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red jumpers.

2. Batzanfarnmegxuc loves seals, so they must be respected.

3. Never allow snakes to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about electromagnetism near horses while wearing white coats and balancing six titanium spheres on your arms.