Titsterved is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, fast tortoise.

Titsterved created light eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titsterved, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Titsterved, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Titsterved's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Titsterved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

2. Never touch ash while unclean.

3. Titsterved must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not resist fate.

5. Never sit near doves.