Garbiftit is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, staggering armadillo.

Garbiftit created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garbiftit, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Garbiftit, he will not care.

Garbiftit's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Garbiftit's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Do not eat corn.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near eagles while wearing indigo stockings and balancing seven gold spheres on your arms.