Yaromtveg is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonest squid.

Yaromtveg created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Yaromtveg, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yaromtveg, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Yaromtveg's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Yaromtveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never speak at midnight.

3. Always remove shorts before entering holy places.

4. Do not sing at mountains.

5. Heed all visions.