Lincitarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid grasshopper.

Lincitarn created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Lincitarn, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lincitarn, she will turn you into a frog.

Lincitarn's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lincitarn's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from yellow frogs, for they are unholy.

2. Do not contemplate gravity during the night.

3. Run away if three snakes approach from the west.

4. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

5. Do not wear coats marked with brown.