Batbapxem is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, boastful goose.

Batbapxem created the planet Jupiter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batbapxem, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Batbapxem, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Batbapxem's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Batbapxem's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Batbapxem.

2. Never feed wheat to doves while wearing fawn trousers.

3. Always maintain humility during fasting days.

4. Always wash your back before prayer.

5. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.