Hogjarncimtapcipmut is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, happy porpoise.

Hogjarncimtapcipmut created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogjarncimtapcipmut, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hogjarncimtapcipmut, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hogjarncimtapcipmut's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Hogjarncimtapcipmut's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

3. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never write about solid mechanics.

5. Never run in the presence of elders.