Vaggubjon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, selfish zebra.

Vaggubjon created a quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaggubjon, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vaggubjon, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vaggubjon's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Vaggubjon's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vaggubjon.

3. Never speak aloud of names.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always help sick dolphins.