Lakfaspib is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, confident salamander.

Lakfaspib created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lakfaspib, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lakfaspib, he will not care at all.

Lakfaspib's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Lakfaspib's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in summer.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never discuss photosynthesis in public assemblies.

5. Never speak aloud of numbers.