Zaktimsin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, bad-tempered bat.

Zaktimsin created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zaktimsin, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zaktimsin, she will turn you into a rock.

Zaktimsin's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Zaktimsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Hide from turquoise sharks for they are unholy.

3. You must never eat melons.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

5. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.