Dagquatcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, competent duck.

Dagquatcuss created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dagquatcuss, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dagquatcuss, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Dagquatcuss' most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Dagquatcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near monkeys while wearing green shirts.

5. Always share coconuts with strangers, but never with dogs.