Stanbanget is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humorless duck.

Stanbanget created the universe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanbanget, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Stanbanget, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Stanbanget's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Stanbanget's Holy Commandments

1. Remain standing during prayer.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never feed lots of pineapples to snails while wearing turquoise shorts.

5. Always pray immersed in water.