Gigfatfab is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, idiotic cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gigfatfab created the Sol system eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigfatfab, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gigfatfab, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gigfatfab's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Gigfatfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near seals.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

4. Never travel toward the north during autumn.

5. Never chant while facing east.