Zagrutlun is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, compassionate wombat.

Zagrutlun created the Sun seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zagrutlun, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zagrutlun, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Zagrutlun's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Zagrutlun's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four tapirs approach from the south.

2. Always wear cyan.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near tortoises while wearing brown shoes and balancing eight gold spheres on your head.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Do not drink alcohol.