Zedpadlapnurcen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, benevolent pigeon.

Zedpadlapnurcen created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedpadlapnurcen, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zedpadlapnurcen, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Zedpadlapnurcen's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Zedpadlapnurcen's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

2. Worship no other gods but Zedpadlapnurcen.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.

4. Do not drink water in green rooms.

5. Foxes are not to be trusted.