Lakpakzim is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, moody newt.

Lakpakzim created the Virgo Supercluster five million years ago.

If you believe in Lakpakzim, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lakpakzim, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lakpakzim's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Lakpakzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your hands toward the north during prayer.

2. Never speak the names of galaxies aloud.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

4. Lakpakzim loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

5. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.