Jabmattonk Fetappbarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, impressive armadillo.

Jabmattonk Fetappbarn created a photon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabmattonk Fetappbarn, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Jabmattonk Fetappbarn, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Jabmattonk Fetappbarn's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Jabmattonk Fetappbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always share oranges with strangers, but never with dogs.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

3. Never point your back toward the west during prayer.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Always help badgers in need.