Metyikjen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, unthoughtful capybara.

Metyikjen created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metyikjen, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Metyikjen, she will remove you from existence.

Metyikjen's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Metyikjen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Metyikjen.

2. Do not keep five geese in a large pit.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

4. Never mention horses.

5. Do not commit murder.