Bastsawcip is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, generous lobster.

Bastsawcip created the solar system eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastsawcip, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bastsawcip, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bastsawcip's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bastsawcip's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always obey Bastsawcip's priests.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Bastsawcip loves mites, so they must be honoured.