Zoghimyakflamdam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, humane gnu.

Zoghimyakflamdam created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zoghimyakflamdam, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zoghimyakflamdam, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Zoghimyakflamdam's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Zoghimyakflamdam's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never gather four cats near towers.

3. Never allow monkeys to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.