Megpaknil Hamxucjab is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, ruthless walrus.

Megpaknil Hamxucjab created vertebrates six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Megpaknil Hamxucjab, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Megpaknil Hamxucjab, he will laugh at you.

Megpaknil Hamxucjab's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Megpaknil Hamxucjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

2. Never wear turquoise stockings.

3. Erect four silicon sculptures of Megpaknil Hamxucjab on top of important buildings.

4. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

5. Never eat green fruit.