Flatxengomkar is a god.

He takes the form of a small, thoughtless centaur.

Flatxengomkar created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flatxengomkar, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flatxengomkar, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Flatxengomkar's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Flatxengomkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always share corn with strangers, but never with moths.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never write about dark matter.

4. Heed all signs.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.