Lamfotzim is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, egotistical deer.

Lamfotzim created the universe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamfotzim, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lamfotzim, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lamfotzim's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Lamfotzim's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to vanity.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Retreat if three dolphins approach from the north.

4. Never mention whales.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.