Futmadgen is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, clever otter.

Futmadgen created the universe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futmadgen, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Futmadgen, he will make you grow a tail.

Futmadgen's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Futmadgen's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing blue kilts and balancing seven titanium spheres on your chest.