Fetstanlambusgatfunnellrap Cemhaspak is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, dishonest raccoon.

Fetstanlambusgatfunnellrap Cemhaspak created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetstanlambusgatfunnellrap Cemhaspak, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fetstanlambusgatfunnellrap Cemhaspak, he will send you a sign.

Fetstanlambusgatfunnellrap Cemhaspak's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Fetstanlambusgatfunnellrap Cemhaspak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing at mountains.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fetstanlambusgatfunnellrap Cemhaspak.

4. Never eat onions.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.