Row is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, caring narwhal.

Row created a down quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Row, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Row, he will turn you into a puffin.

Row's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Row's Holy Commandments

1. Put Row first in all things.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never chant while facing west.

5. Do not keep six cats in a large pit.