Som is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, tranquil gerbil.

Som created the planet Venus seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Som, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Som, he will send you a sign.

Som's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Som's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Never jump in winter.

3. You must pray to Som eight times a day.

4. Never handle gold while unclean.

5. Always wear plain corsets during rituals.