Gedkenpom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating bat.

Gedkenpom created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Gedkenpom, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gedkenpom, he will turn you into a rock.

Gedkenpom's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Gedkenpom's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gedkenpom.

2. Do not consume beans at dawn.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.

4. Never talk about spacetime near capybaras while wearing mauve coats and balancing six gold spheres on your back.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.