Wotnilkem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, conceited faun.

Wotnilkem created silver two billion years ago.

If you believe in Wotnilkem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Wotnilkem, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Wotnilkem's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Wotnilkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

2. Always help sick grasshopers.

3. Do not place bananas upon stone.

4. Never eat carrots on days of mourning.

5. Never fashion tools from ash.