Damkenxuckwad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate dugong.

Damkenxuckwad created Asia five billion years ago.

If you believe in Damkenxuckwad, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Damkenxuckwad, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Damkenxuckwad's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Damkenxuckwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never fashion tools from clay.

4. Do not eat wheat.

5. Never eat bread.