Pakhanzod is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, quiet mink.

Pakhanzod created the planet Venus two million years ago.

If you believe in Pakhanzod, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Pakhanzod, she will cry a lot.

Pakhanzod's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Pakhanzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross forests at dawn.

2. Always wear pink.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not sit at rivers.