Ortlooparp is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, pitiless sheep.

Ortlooparp created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Ortlooparp, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ortlooparp, he will turn you into a tree.

Ortlooparp's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Ortlooparp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. You must pray to Ortlooparp five times a day.

3. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

4. Always look after injured dogs.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.