Japhonjonyam is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, ruthless dryad.

Japhonjonyam created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japhonjonyam, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Japhonjonyam, she will destroy your favourite star.

Japhonjonyam's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Japhonjonyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hop in public.

2. Never paint your neck magenta.

3. Japhonjonyam loves gulls, so they must be respected.

4. Do not consume rice at dawn.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.