Omtvenlid is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, wise guinea pig.

Omtvenlid created the world four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtvenlid, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Omtvenlid, she will not invite you to parties.

Omtvenlid's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Omtvenlid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about whales.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never think about gravity near sharks while wearing red skirts and balancing three nickel spheres on your hands.

4. Do not record secrets concerning stars.

5. Always help goats in need.