Ontsigpag is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless hyena.

Ontsigpag created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontsigpag, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontsigpag, she will turn you into a rat.

Ontsigpag's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Ontsigpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. You must pray to Ontsigpag three times a day.

4. Do not prepare lentils while wearing ear rings.

5. Hide from white squirrels for they are unholy.