Kapbanfas is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, astonishing shrew.

Kapbanfas created a photon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapbanfas, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kapbanfas, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Kapbanfas' most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Kapbanfas' Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry gulls.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Retreat if five aardvarks approach from the south.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never mention shrews.