Nurtmutgon is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, dishonourable deer.

Nurtmutgon created the Black Eye Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtmutgon, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nurtmutgon, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Nurtmutgon's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Nurtmutgon's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never sit near foxes.

3. Never handle lead while unclean.

4. Never feed lots of oranges to grasshopers while wearing purple shoes.

5. Always take life seriously.