Lakjapbep is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, ill-tempered snail.

Lakjapbep created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakjapbep, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lakjapbep, it will destroy your home solar system.

Lakjapbep's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Lakjapbep's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat parsnips on holy days.

2. Never hop in the presence of seals.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.

5. Never wear blue trousers.