Jonbemjad Logganomin is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, temperamental hippopotamus.

Jonbemjad Logganomin created humanity four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonbemjad Logganomin, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jonbemjad Logganomin, he will ignore you.

Jonbemjad Logganomin's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Jonbemjad Logganomin's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare oranges during winter.

2. Jonbemjad Logganomin loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Jonbemjad Logganomin on top of all buildings.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Run away if four voles approach from the south.