Flatnil is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, uncaring narwhal.

Flatnil created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatnil, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flatnil, she will be very unhappy.

Flatnil's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Flatnil's Holy Commandments

1. Flatnil must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

3. Do not keep eight capybaras in a large pit.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.